Today I venture off into some combination of mindless satire, cynicism, hunting and fishing humor and poking fun of the lack of intelligence that seems to embody the halls of Washington these days. Listen in and watch and discover what happens when Sen. Majority Leader, Harry Reid, goes fishing with the Dali Lama and Harry tries to match his brain power with that of a fish. It’s really just an issue of “Mind Over Matter”.

Photo from fOTOGLIF

There are two theories as to why we are here on this planet. One is Evolution and of course the other Creation. Which ever one you pick, I think it intelligent rationalization to claim that animals where here first. So, does that give them something over us? Preferential rights? First dibs? I called shotgun?

Let’s take a look. If man “evolved” from animals (take your pick which one), one would assume and some studies suggest that part of that evolution was the expansion of intelligent thinking. I know! I know! Stop thinking about Washington for just a few minutes, Okay?

Could we also rationalize that over those how many millions of years as man evolved, so did his ability to think, driven by an unexplained (evolved) desire to learn? As man’s intelligence grew, at what point did man come to realize he was brighter than a sheep or a worm? I said to forget about Washington. Come on, man! Let’s work to evolve this discussion.

Once man evolved to a point he discovered he had something all the other animals didn’t, a brain developed enough to think and reason, I wonder how many of them believed these animals could think as they did? Did this evolved man begin to believe that animals had “rights” or had rights evolved yet?

Creationism is much simpler and perhaps one of the reasons I gravitate toward that belief; aside from the fact I would rather want to be part of a plan devised by a Power much bigger than any of us can understand and to be “special”, rather than evolved from some nasty, poop flinging monkey. How many times do I have to tell you to stop thinking about Washington?

According to the teachings of the Bible, which for those who don’t know is where Creationism comes from, God created the planets and put animals on Earth. Then in his loneliness He created Adam and then Eve, called it all good and said, “Hey Adam! By the way. I give you and all your ancestors “dominion” of the animals and the land, etc. that I’m giving you.” Probably He could have appeased the environmentalists (which he didn’t create. They are a mutation.) if He would have said, “And by the way, I expect you to do the best job you can in taking care of all these goodies!” You know, clean air, clean water!

God’s plan is perfect, or so I believe but I’m not so sure about Evolution. You see, when we speak of evolution, in our smugness, our evolved intelligence, we make the assumption that this evolving is all for the better. Evolution could be defined as: “change in the gene pool of a population from generation to generation by such processes as mutation, natural selection, and genetic drift.”

As such these processes seem to indicate an actual devolution, a genetic drift, by some of the human species. If man once had a desire to evolve to be something smarter than an orangutan, there now seems to be just as big a desire to devolve to a level equal to that of the elected species these mutants have fallen in love with. An argument could be made that as man evolved and learned how to love, some perhaps never evolved far enough to understand that those feelings of love they had were meant to be toward another human and not another animal. This is the only rational explanation I can come up with why some either less evolved or once evolved and now devolving people place the animals they love on an equal plane with themselves.

The less evolved and/or slowly devolving humans, in their erosion of intelligent and rational thought, think that those of us more evolved who understand our role as the dominate, more intelligent species, want to destroy all these creatures because we can. To them it is all or nothing; animals are either equal to humans or evil man just wants them all dead. This is undeveloped thinking. Evidently this evolution thing doesn’t happen for everyone all at the same time. I can’t help myself. They must first go through Congress before they can evolve enough to be a productive part of our society. There, I said it!

If you see or know someone who exhibits this behavior, understand that perhaps it is only those who have been caught in some kind of evolutionary time warp. I’m not sure I am evolved enough to know whether they can ever escape such a warp, as I may be in one of my own.

Stay away from Washington. It might be a black hole.

Tom Remington

Ray Stevens! That’s right. Do you remember the “Mississippi Squirrel Revival”? When Ray was a boy, he snuck a squirrel he had caught into church one Sunday. The squirrel escaped Ray’s box and created quite the uproar in the old church.

I believe if you watch the video, you’ll agree that Scott Brown might just be the squirrel that escaped the box and raised cane in Massachusetts.

Photo from fOTOGLIF

1). Magically render all cell phones, Blackberries, etc. void and prohibited. These gadgets have and are destroying our society. They are hazardous to everyone’s health (because people just can’t cell phone/text and drive at the same time. Neither can cops but they somehow think they are better than the average Joe.)

We don’t need them and if you really think we do, examine life prior to cell phones and post cell phones. I rest my case.

2). Get our Constitution back or at least teach everybody that we have one, including Pelosi.

3). Clean out the halls of Congress. Start all over. Fire them all. Set term limits. Pay public servants a stipend while they serve and then send them home. Nobody can retire with lifetime pensions for doing 4 years of attending parties. Senators and Representatives will, once again, actually represent the people.

No more advisers, czars, deputy chiefs, assistants to the deputies, vice assistant chief deputy advisers. If the president can’t do his job without 6,000 people around him, send him home.

4). End lobbying.

5). End the United Nations

6). Send Al Gore away. (And a lot of others. It would need to be a very big boat.)

7). Do away with officiating by instant replay. I can’t stand listening to sports commentators analyzing the play over and over a million times before the ref says, “After further review……..”

If for just one game, I could be the head ref. Here’s how it would go. I’d look at the play and then run out onto the field, turn on my mic and say, “After further review, I laughed my ass off. I don’t know what the coach was thinking. Only a moron would challenge that call. So, not only does the play stand as called, but the challenging team will be fined $50,000. If we can, let’s get back to the football game that these 80,000 fans came to watch.”

8). I want to invent cars and a transportation grid that worked this way. As soon as the driver of a car sped, cut somebody off, ran a red light, cut across three lanes of traffic, plays their radio too loud or just are someone I don’t like the looks of, they and their car are immediately sent back to where they started and they have to start all over again.

Grumpy old man, aren’t I?

9). Anyone caught wearing baggy pants that show any part of their underwear, will be ushered to the central park stockade where they will be forced into watching reruns of “Leave it to Beaver” and “Father Knows Best”. Add to that list, fat people showing their bellies and anyone with tattoos. I’m not sure what to do with gigantic women who insist on wearing Spandex. Maybe turn them into a Goodyear tire or something.

10). End all New Years resolutions or wish lists because they are stupid.

Tom Remington

Can someone please explain to me why this is any of Congress’ biddnih? The same question that totally screwed up Nancy Pelosi’s head could be asked here; “Where specifically in the Constitution does it say that Congress is supposed to decide a national college football champion?” And before you Pelosi supporters ask, yes, I am serious. This is a serious question. (Hint: There is a Constitution)

Maybe I actually have the answer. You see most people think BCS stands for Bowl Championship Series. What it actually stands for is Big(ass) Cash Split. Teams that make the BCS series get to split up all that cash. And you thought this was about football. Too bad those undefeated teams that play in places like Idaho (where is that anyway), have to get any of that pay out money. But they deserve the money. The last time they shared in the prize money it wasn’t enough and so when it came time to put artificial surface on their football field, they bought blue. What? It was on sale!

So, there’s money involved, therefore Congress must be authorized through the U.S. Constitution to decide how best to spend it. I know they know how to spend my tax money. That’s settled. Go Prairie View!!

Who in the dickens is this little butterfly loving freak to your left?

Climategate! Oh, Climategate! Forever will you be overlooked! Oh, sorry. I got carried away for a moment. ‘Tis the season!

You know, I’m not very smart and I’m willing to admit it. I am smart enough to do that. Isn’t it awful when dumb people think they are smart but they are not smart enough to know they are stupid? Or is it worse when people are stupid, they know they are stupid but they think you are stupider and will never admit their own stupidity?

We’ve all heard the expression about a person that doesn’t have a clue. Some of us who have a bit of a clue have heard the same expression taken to it’s superlative of, “he don’t even suspect!”

I laughed this morning when I read a headline, “Climategate Doesn’t Change the Facts of Climate Change”. Curiosity got the better of me even though I knew what was going to be said. The person making the claim that Climategate wasn’t changing the “facts”, supported that claim by citing the facts that are now in question as to being actual fact or fiction from Climategate. Oh, well.

I want everyone to know how much better I slept last night. For weeks now I haven’t slept good at all, laying awake night after night fretting over a proposal for a public option or government run health care plan. When I discovered it had been taken out of the most recent health care bill was I some relieved. There’s something so reassuring when I read that “the public option has been taken out of the health care bill. Instead, it will be replaced with an independent health insurance company that will be run by the government.” Oh, praise Jesus’ name! I don’t even suspect.

I was going to avoid this subject but I can’t help it. Tiger Woods! What a mess! Now rumors are flying around that he is going to give up golf in order to save his marriage. The real reason he’s thinking of giving up golf is because the Swedish golfer Jasper Parnevik introduced Tiger to his wife. Rumors are also flying that Tiger got a phone call from Parnevik saying that now that he’s had a nine iron smashed across his face, does he have any idea what a driver would feel like…………well, let’s not go there.

We really all should find something better to do with our time. You know Tiger made his choices and now it seems he is realizing the consequences all by himself. I don’t think he needs any of us helping him to screw it up worse than it already is. But then again, that wouldn’t be American would it?

‘Tis the season! Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la! And finally my ’tis the season random thoughts will leave you with a YouTube video of some of the most precious Christmas songs of all time…….well, maybe the most precious Christmas songs of this week. Or maybe the songs only slightly resembles Christmas and it’s just plain funny stuff.

Tom Remington

Let’s go people watching!