New Years Resolutions, Or A Wish List

Photo from fOTOGLIF

I thought about doing this for Christmas, but being that I am not one to look for gifts at Christmas time I thought putting together a list of resolutions or rather the things I would like to see changed for 2010 might do the trick. The following list is in no particular order.

1). Magically render all cell phones, Blackberries, etc. void and prohibited. These gadgets have and are destroying our society. They are hazardous to everyone’s health (because people just can’t cell phone/text and drive at the same time. Neither can cops but they somehow think they are better than the average Joe.)

We don’t need them and if you really think we do, examine life prior to cell phones and post cell phones. I rest my case.

2). Get our Constitution back or at least teach everybody that we have one, including Pelosi.

3). Clean out the halls of Congress. Start all over. Fire them all. Set term limits. Pay public servants a stipend while they serve and then send them home. Nobody can retire with lifetime pensions for doing 4 years of attending parties. Senators and Representatives will, once again, actually represent the people.

No more advisers, czars, deputy chiefs, assistants to the deputies, vice assistant chief deputy advisers. If the president can’t do his job without 6,000 people around him, send him home.

4). End lobbying.

5). End the United Nations

6). Send Al Gore away. (And a lot of others. It would need to be a very big boat.)

7). Do away with officiating by instant replay. I can’t stand listening to sports commentators analyzing the play over and over a million times before the ref says, “After further review……..”

If for just one game, I could be the head ref. Here’s how it would go. I’d look at the play and then run out onto the field, turn on my mic and say, “After further review, I laughed my ass off. I don’t know what the coach was thinking. Only a moron would challenge that call. So, not only does the play stand as called, but the challenging team will be fined $50,000. If we can, let’s get back to the football game that these 80,000 fans came to watch.”

8). I want to invent cars and a transportation grid that worked this way. As soon as the driver of a car sped, cut somebody off, ran a red light, cut across three lanes of traffic, plays their radio too loud or just are someone I don’t like the looks of, they and their car are immediately sent back to where they started and they have to start all over again.

Grumpy old man, aren’t I?

9). Anyone caught wearing baggy pants that show any part of their underwear, will be ushered to the central park stockade where they will be forced into watching reruns of “Leave it to Beaver” and “Father Knows Best”. Add to that list, fat people showing their bellies and anyone with tattoos. I’m not sure what to do with gigantic women who insist on wearing Spandex. Maybe turn them into a Goodyear tire or something.

10). End all New Years resolutions or wish lists because they are stupid.

Tom Remington